


kerosene and desire

by forwardpass



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, M/M, all that soft stuff, rookies in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-20 00:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13135389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forwardpass/pseuds/forwardpass
Summary: Arizona, Michigan, Switzerland, Toronto—it doesn’t matter where he goes—when he focuses on it his Soulmate Heartbeat is there, thumping along, as comforting and soothing as ever.





	kerosene and desire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LottieAnna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieAnna/gifts).



> Hi. Wow, it's an honor to write for you, LottieAnna. You are legit one of my all-time favorite authors!! I really hope you like this.
> 
> Thank you to the mods for putting this exchange on! And thank you to Sam for the beta help. Love you <3
> 
> This was inspired by [that Thing Auston does as part of his pregame ritual](https://kadrigirl.tumblr.com/post/162845502480/the-locker-room)
> 
> Title comes from [Heartbeat by The Fray](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWnXSV6uZps) because #aesthetic

The first time Auston does it, it’s an accident.

He’s 16, stressed and about to try out for the US National Team Development Program. He’s sitting in the dressing room with the other hopefuls, trying to block out the side eyes and disjointed murmurs. He puts his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, slouching over.

This is _it_.

The pinnacle of American hockey for his age group.

Auston’s never wanted something so badly before.

He takes a deep breath and pushes his fingers through his hair. It’s getting too long, according to his mom. She’ll probably make him cut it when he gets back to Arizona.

If he gets back to Arizona.

God, he doesn’t want to go back to Arizona. Not yet. Going back means he’s been cut. That he’s failed. Failed himself. Failed his parents. Failed every kid from a nontraditional hockey market.

(It’s a lot of pressure, okay? And yeah, most of it is self-inflicted, but that doesn’t make it any less real and pressing.)

Another deep breath. Block out the noise of the locker room. They don’t matter. Even if they’re probably all way better than him. They’ll matter when they’re his teammates but right now, they don’t.

Deep breath. He’s here to play hockey, the best hockey of his life, and—

_ba boom. ba boom. ba boom. ba boom._

It fills his ears until it’s the only thing he hears: the sound of a Heartbeat, just off rhythm with his own. Strong and steady. Calming.

_ba boom. ba boom. ba boom. ba boom._

His soulmate’s Heartbeat.

Auston’s heard about Soulmate Heartbeats. It’s a... supremely dubious form of soulmate identification. Everyone supposedly has a soulmate—or soulmates, sometimes—but Heartbeats are... complicated. They aren’t exactly rare, but not everyone actually hears them, and not everyone actually believes they exist. Like, it’s more of a relationship confirmation thing than anything else. How else are you supposed to find a fucking heartbeat that matches the one you Hear? It’s not an easy soulmark to spot from a distance. Most people find someone they like and if the Heartbeat matches, great, if not... eh. Auston never gave it much thought.

Right now, though, Auston syncs his breathing to his Heartbeat and feels himself start to relax. He focuses on it, and his head feels clearer. The Heartbeat thumps along and in his minds’ eye Auston sees a zamboni making long, sweeping paths across the ice.

(He always loved the zamboni.)

Having a Heartbeat means he has a soulmate. Someone out there who the universe or fate or what have you, believes is a pretty much perfect match for Auston. It’s a comforting thought: a real, live, breathing person with a steady heartbeat that gives Auston a warm, tingly feeling in his stomach.

It’s... nice.

Auston lifts his head. He ignores the weird looks from the other NTDP prospects and finishes pulling on his gear.

It doesn’t matter what they think. Auston knows who he is: a kid from the Sun Belt who fell in love with the ice. Auston knows that he’s a terrific hockey player.

And he’s gonna go out there and show them.

 

\--

 

He does.

 

\--

 

It becomes a _thing_ after that. Part of his pregame routine.

Before gearing up, Auston will sit in his stall in his Under Armour with his head in his hands and focus on his Heartbeat. He doesn’t know what he’d do if he actually _met_ his soulmate, but just knowing that they’re out there is all he needs. Arizona, Michigan, Switzerland, Toronto—it doesn’t matter where he goes—when he focuses on it his Heartbeat is there, thumping along, as comforting and soothing as ever.

 

\--

 

The Centennial Classic is more than Auston ever believed possible. More intense, more incredible, just… _more._

OT starts and god, he’s nervous. He keeps a part of his focus on his Heartbeat, lets it fill his head—a soothing metronome to block out the crowd.

He enters the offensive zone, dishes the puck back to Gards before making his way to the net.

And then.

The puck finds his stick, backhand over Howard’s shoulder, and _in_.

His Heartbeat skips a beat.

 

\--

 

It happens more and more. In big moments, if he’s listening, his Heartbeat seems to almost… react to them with him. Stutters, skips, fluttering faster than normal.

Before, his Heartbeat was like an abstraction. A future _something_. He used its tempo to get in the zone, but it didn't feel _real_.

Now it feels real. It feels like [Auston’s soulmate is right next to him, supporting him](http://forward-pass.tumblr.com/post/154733423387/zetterbabe-youve-had-a-chance-to-watch-auston).

 

\--

 

Auston’s sitting on the couch with Mitch in the Marleaus’s basement, in a little bit of a food coma, when the littlest Marleau wanders by. Caleb hoists himself up Auston’s legs, faceplants into his chest, one small hand tangled in his henley, his ear pressed to Auston’s sternum. Auston holds him steady with one hand rubbing soothing strokes down his back. Caleb takes a deep breath and goes boneless, out like a light. It’s almost 9:30—definitely passed the kid’s bedtime, what with all the excitement of company and an epic battle of mini sticks.

Auston’s chest feels a little tight with the knowledge that Caleb chose him to fall asleep on, liked him enough, trusted him enough. Little kids are honest like that. Also, holding a tiny human is a lot easier when he’s sitting and the tiny human in question is asleep.

“Awww,” Mitch murmurs, soft, nudging Auston’s shoulder with his own and just… staying there, pressed close. “That’s adorable. He’s listening to your heartbeat.”

“What?”

Mitch shrugs. “I don’t know, man. I did a report on it in school. Babies like, love listening to their mom’s heartbeat ‘cause it’s like, the first thing they ever hear, y’know? While they’re, y’know, inside.”

“Huh,” Auston says. It makes sense. With his hand on Caleb’s back he can feel his tiny breaths, this small life he’s protecting.

“It’s like a comfort thing. Some people think that’s why we hear our soulmate’s Heartbeat.”

“Because they remind us of our mothers?” Auston asks, just to be a shit.

Mitch snorts, but Auston can tell he’s trying not to laugh. “No, dude. Because a soulmate is like, the ultimate comfort. Someone who is destined to be important to you. Someone to _be there_.”

“So you believe in Heartbeats?” Auston asks. He tries, and mostly succeeds, to keep his voice Chill™, for reasons he’s strictly Not Thinking About.

“Yeah,” Mitch shrugs, like it’s nothing. “I’ve never heard my Heartbeat, but I know people who have.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah,” Mitch says again, maybe leaning a bit closer to Auston. He reaches out and smooths a lock of hair off of Caleb’s forehead. It’s a really soft move, and maybe Auston will chirp later, but right now the moment feels taut with an electric, sparking kind of tension. Good tension, though.

They sit in easy silence as Caleb sleeps on, Auston methodically rubbing his back. Mrs. Marleau comes by and asks if Auston will watch him while she and Patrick put the other kids down to bed. Both Auston and Mitch nod, both of them studiously ignoring the way Mitch’s hand now covers Auston’s on Caleb’s back.

And that’s when Auston hears it, in a non-hockey context for once, slightly louder and faster than normal.

_baboom baboom baboom baboom_

 

\--

 

Mitch drove them over to the Marleaus’ house, so they carpool back into the city.

When they get to Auston’s building Mitch parks and comes up with him under the pretense of video games and a beer. Once they’re inside, though, neither makes a move towards the living room and the PS4.

Mitch stands in the entryway, awkward with his hands shoved in his coat pockets. “Are we doing this, then?”

Auston takes two steps that bring him firmly within Mitch’s personal bubble, gently pulls Mitch’s hands from his pockets, links their fingers. “Yeah, I think so.”

“’Cause, like,” Mitch says, swallowing hard, not quite looking at Auston, “I’ve liked you for a while, dude. More than liked, for a lot longer than a while.”

Auston rubs his thumb across Mitch’s hand. “Me too.”

That makes Mitch laugh. “’Me too’? You’re really, like, ‘I Know’-ing me, all Han Solo, right now?”

Auston lets go of one of Mitch’s hands to cradle his face. “Mitchy… you gotta know. You gotta know I love you.”

Mitch’s face is doing something incredible. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Auston says, leaning down.

As far as first kisses go, this one takes the cake.

 

\--

 

Auston wakes up slowly, feeling warm and completely content. It’s kind of weird, actually, and kind of weird that he’s not really questioning it. He’s not firing on all cylinders yet, but he hears his Heartbeat thumping away under his ear, and it just adds to the whole-bodied happiness that he’s marinating in.

Warm fingers brush through his hair, pulling it away from his forehead before scratching his scalp. It feels heavenly. This is like, awesome.

“I can’t believe you’re a cuddler. This is like, the best news ever, dude. God, we’re so compatible.”

Auston lifts his head—off Mitch’s chest, it seems—to find Mitch just like, glowing up at him. Auston isn’t one to really notice these things, but Mitch’s eyes are bright and clear and like, straight up heart-eyes-ing him right now. Auston feels his own face soften in response, all of his Soft Mitch Feelings leaking everywhere. He leans down to brush a kiss against Mitch’s lips before laying his head back down for more head scritches.

And that’s when he hears it.

Not in his head this time: a heartbeat, muted through flesh and bone, beneath his ear. Strong, steady, and familiar.

Oh.

_Oh._

He’d know that Heartbeat anywhere.

He tightens his arm around Mitch’s middle, holding him as close as possible. He can’t help but press a kiss to the center of Mitch’s chest. This is like, the most scary, amazing, and wonderful moment of Auston’s life, Draft, playoffs, everything included. If he thinks about it, though, he’s not really surprised. It feels more like everything is slotting into place.

“Ha, are you listening to my heartbeat, Matts?” Mitch asks playfully, scratching the shorter hairs at the back of Auston’s neck.

Auston leans into the touch and smiles against Mitch’s skin. “Yeah.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> -I guesstimated the littlest Marleau's age from [this adorable picture](http://hairpornnylander.tumblr.com/post/168729929952/look-at-this) but please know that when I'm picturing him, I picture [the adorable kid from this adorable video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ap_yRIyDIA)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic of] kerosene and desire, by forwardpass](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14927420) by [frecklebombfic (frecklebomb)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frecklebomb/pseuds/frecklebombfic), [lotts (LottieAnna)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieAnna/pseuds/lotts), [silverandblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverandblue/pseuds/silverandblue)




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